Oh, Habits!

How I love you hate you love you hate you love you 

Habit = the manifestation of a constant.

This is a big one. A book-sized one. But let’s just scratch the surface.

F.M. Alexander, the founder of what we now call the Alexander Technique, said, "Change involves carrying out an activity against the habit of life." “Change” doesn’t have to be major to be impactful. I know that changing the expression on my face when I listen to music changes how I hear it. I could change the way I stand at the sink when I wash dishes and maybe feel less dread of the task (still working on that one).

Some of our most ingrained habits we don’t even think of as changeable, they’re just how we move through the world. But some are worth reflecting on if we consider how they are impacting our relationships.

What if you tried to change one response to something your child does when practicing? I tried this many years ago when the delay tactics in myhouse were so infuriating that by the time we sat down I was too exhausted to practice effectively. I knew that the kids’ behavior was developmentally appropriate, gave them a sense of control, was a way of testing limits, but having to allot 90 minutes to get 20 minutes of time on the instrument was not sustainable. Also, I was losing it.

I decided to try humor. This was not easy since I wasn’t feeling very funny, but I started telling knock-knock jokes and the energy shifted once I started making myself laugh. Sometimes I sat down to practice with the kids, only to get right back up again with one made-up distraction after another. At first my boys loved it (finally, mom gets it!), but then they got annoyed with me (“I’m waiting for you and you don’t need another trip to the bathroom!”) and that’s when things began changing. They didn’t give up procrastinating altogether, but it turns out they didn’t love the feeling of dragging it out. It was exhausting for them. Even now, they give voice to not wanting to practice, and then they do it anyway. They have the power to choose how to get started.

Try checking in with one of your default responses when practicing. Your habits were developed for a reason, but it’s good to ask if they’re still serving you.