Relationship Spaghetti & The Alexander Technique
One of my amazing Alexander Technique teachers often reminds us that “everything is in relationship.” This is a phrase that strikes me as both straightforward and confusing. Of course everything is in relationship to something else, but really? Everything?And what do I do with this information??
When my son began studying with another cello teacher, our practices together quickly deteriorated. We were both frustrated, short-tempered, and stressed. Even outside the practice room, our relationship just felt off. I assumed the cause was transitioning to a new teacher, and the pressure he felt in preparing for lessons with somebody other than his mom.
And then I realized this had nothing to do with my kid and everything to do with me.
I was clearly in a state of reaction to my identities as a mom, practice parent, cellist, teacher, and student. I was worried about being judged by somebody I admire and respect.
The Alexander Technique teaches us to notice. As soon as I noticed my reaction, I could acknowledge the complexity of my overlapping relationships with my cello, my son, and his teacher. Just recognizing their existence set new thoughts in motion (and also some unproductive guilt and a wish for a do-over, but that’s for another journal).
The Alexander Technique teaches us the power of choice. I chose to let go of my attachments to who I thought I needed to be in these relationships. And I was able to show my son that no matter what choices we made in the past (and why), we are always free to make new ones.
Our practices improved almost overnight. I was flooded with relief at being able to fully enjoy his lessons. The relationships still exist of course, but I see them with more clarity and less reaction.
Yes. Everything exists in relationship….loving, complicated, multi-layered, relationship.
But we don’t need to do anything other than notice. Awareness is the key. From that space, choices become available - old ones, or new. It’s a space full of possibility.
